How to Stay Connected During Pregnancy

This is one of the posts I wrote and submitted to the website MomQuery in hopes of becoming a regular contributor. My other submission was featured on their site which you can see here.
Hope you enjoy!

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Staying connected during pregnancy can be hard; you are going through this tremendous change with your body and your emotions are running wild. It can also be easy for your spouse or significant other to feel left out. I know in our household, this was the norm at first. Here I was getting to experience the miracle of life growing inside me, and until Ben could feel the baby moving too, it sometimes seemed like he was stuck on the sidelines. I feel like if you are not careful it is easy to drift apart during those first few months. Below is a list of 5 ways that Ben and I have found to help us stay connected during pregnancy and allow for him to share in some of the little joys that happen along the way.

Craving road trips

It’s no secret that pregnant women have crazy cravings. I have been one of the lucky ones in that my cravings are not for specific combinations but more along the lines of “I want it, and I need it now.” We live in a small town and our house is off the beaten path, so it’s not just a quick trip down the road to find food. Luckily I have a husband who doesn’t mind driving across town to find the perfect chocolate milkshake or a box of oatmeal cream pies. These mini road trips have been some of our favorite times together since getting pregnant. When we are at home it’s easy to zone out in front of the TV or sit on our phones, but in the car we are able to unplug and just enjoy each other’s company.  This is a great time to have conversations about what the next year will look like or how life will change when the baby (or babies in our case) arrives. 

Just an example of a craving road trip success!

Designate a lazy day or date night

Pregnancy can be many things and relaxing is not even close to the top of the list.  Designate one day a week where you can be lazy together. For us, that day is usually Saturday or Sunday – we wake up slow, spend time making breakfast or go out to our favorite local diner. Then we usually spend the day accomplishing small errands, but most importantly, we just spend time together (this is also a great time to check some items off that ever growing nursery to do list). If we don’t leave the house, we spend time in the same room – even if we aren’t talking the whole time, we get the feeling of quality relaxation together. Tip: if you are going to designate a lazy day don’t have a set agenda for your errands or time together as this can add stress – just go with the flow and try to enjoy not being on the clock. If our week doesn’t allow for a lazy day we try to at least have a regular date night. This is something I think is so important to keep up even after baby arrives. Date night for us usually consists of dinner out or in and game of cards or snuggling up to watch an episode of our favorite show (currently: Downton Abbey).  Date night doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just make sure it’s quality time. 

 Unplug for at least 20 minutes a day

This one is a little bit harder to accomplish but you have to charge your phone/tablet at some point, right? I know that pregnancy apps and baby registries are so appealing and there’s always another article to read, registry review to peruse, or nursery inspiration to pin, but you will be so surprised by what you can accomplish in 20 minutes of quality time with your spouse. This was something that our mentor couple recommended to us during premarital counseling as a way to keep our marriage healthy, and if I’m being honest, we maybe accomplish it once a week on a regular basis. HOWEVER, even just once a week can help us stay connected. There have also been weeks where we were diligent and I noticed such a positive difference in our marriage and our relationship as a whole. If you can unplug and find a place that you can sit and just visit with your spouse – no distractions – it will help you feel recharged, energized, and most importantly connected. Only one rule to follow here: Don’t save your 20 minutes for dinner or bed time – make it a time that there is nothing else going on and you aren’t about to fall asleep because one of you will inevitably end up passing out mid conversation… and it will probably be the one who is using their energy making a tiny human.

Dr. Visits

 Take them with you – especially if this is your first pregnancy. There is no better way to help your spouse feel connected and part of the process than to have them there when you are talking to your doctor or hearing the heartbeat of that sweet little baby. If your spouse cannot take the time from work to be at every appointment, make sure to fill them in when you get home (great conversation topic for those 20 minutes). Keep notes of what the doctor says and include them in the process as much as possible. Ask your spouse if there is anything they are curious about that you can ask the doctor while you are there. For us it is a little different because we have appointments every two weeks with twins so this has worked out really well. I try to schedule my ultrasounds around lunchtime and we get to make a date out of it. We go see the doctor and then go to lunch at one of our favorite dive restaurants. My husband has loved being part of the process in this way and it really makes him feel connected to the babies when he can see them on the screen. He looks forward to each appointment and I look forward to our time together afterwards when we get to visit in the middle of the day and talk about the babies; how much they’ve grown and all the information the doctor has given us.

 

Tummy Time

 No, I’m not talking about the kind where you lay your infant on his/her stomach to work on head control. I’m referring to your tummy. As soon as I started feeling flutters I wanted my husband to feel them too. I swore I could feel them kicking on the outside, but since they were only 16 weeks old, my husband couldn’t quite feel them yet. One thing I learned is that as soon as the babies started moving and I called my husband over they would stop. My twins are most active when I’m laying down in the evenings, so we came up with the idea for my husband to sit with his hands on my belly for at least ten minutes to try and feel them kick. Sometimes he will talk to them (which helps them move), and sometimes we will just talk to each other. It was definitely as awkward and weird as it sounds at first, but we got used to spending time together this way too. You can also make it less awkward by watching TV together and letting him rest a hand on your belly.  All the awkwardness will be so worth it the first time your significant other feels that little hand punch or foot kick. There is nothing in the world like sharing in that first moment together. I would say so far it has been the highlight of this pregnancy to see my husband’s face when he felt our boys move for the first time.