Bell County Mama: CIO and a Birthday

Let me just preface this post by saying, I do not need to hear how I am scarring my children for life by allowing them to cry. I do not need to read articles that prove why "cry it out" is bad for babies. So please save your commentary for someone who isn't at her wits end. I have already read them, I already know what the research says, and yet... here we are, doing cry it out.

There is not enough wine in the world for crying it out with twins. Today, everyone was crying. I literally sat on the couch with the monitor in my hand SOBBING, replaying all the aforementioned articles in my head and wondering if 9:00 am was too early to pour a glass of wine.

So you might be asking then, Ellen why the heck are you doing cry it out?

I will start with saying because I am selfish, I need sleep in order to function and I prefer to have that sleep, with my husband, in our very comfortable bed, instead of with our tiny but precious dachshund on the not so comfortable couch while a baby is more or less attached to my boob. More importantly though, we are doing cry it out because my children need sleep, and they need to know how to sleep on their own.

I am a firm believer that when it comes to parenting you have to do what works for you and for your baby, and our babies just happen to not love sleeping with us, we have tried the co-sleeping thing but these boys are restless and they spend most of the night clawing at my shirt. I have learned in my VERY short stint at this motherhood gig, that what inevitably works for one baby might be different for the next and what works for one family might not work for every family. I am also beginning to notice that there will be good days and hard days and great days and awful days, and that when you have two very different babies at the same time, some days will just kick your ass.

So here we are, we started "cry it out" partially out of desperation and mostly because our doctor said it was time. I use quotations because we are doing a VERY modified version which up until today involved me going in every 5 minutes to soothe and calm the boys, or what we realized was actually happening, me going in every 5 minutes to piss them off by dangling my milk smell in front of them and patting them on the back. We have since wised up and realized that either Ben needs to do the soothing or we have to let them self soothe, which is essentially the point of cry it out is it not? Considering that Ben needs to be able to function at his job, which is not so easy without sleep, we chose the latter, and that brings us to today.

I decided we would stretch the "soothe" time to 10 minute intervals, mainly because Wyatt seemed to doze off pretty quickly after a couple back pats at the 5 minute mark and Owen usually took between 7-10. Both boys got drowsy, whiny around the same time this morning so I changed them, fed them and put them in their beds. There we were, one fed up mama, two fed up babies and lots and lots of tears. After I was jolted out of my sobbing fit by my 10 minute phone alarm I realized that I was the only one still crying, both boys had crawled into a comfortable position in their cribs, snuggled up with their blankets and fallen fast asleep. I couldn't believe it. I of course ran in to check on them, make sure they hadn't thrown up or choked, and there they were, sleeping peacefully in their cribs. Then I of course started crying again because can't time just slow down?

HOWEVER, in the spirit of true transparency Wyatt only slept 45 minutes for his AM nap and our afternoon nap did not quite go as smoothly. Part of that can be attributed to Wyatt falling asleep in the car after lunch and Owen realizing that he can now stand in his crib. Once I finally lowered Owen's crib and allowed them to settle down though, they slept, just not very long. I know we will get there, and I now have faith in our chosen method, I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Do I still worry that we might be scarring them for life? Of course I do, but I'm pretty sure I am going to do a lot of things that will scar them. That's what parents do, we mess up and we make mistakes and then we learn how to let go and forgive ourselves. I have already forgiven myself for introducing mangos way too early, and I have a feeling after a few good nights of sleep for everyone all will be forgiven here too.

In other news, the man of the house turned 32 today and we spent the day celebrating him, so of course we have some adorable photos to show off. I could gush for pages about my love for this man, but let's just leave it at this: he is one of the hardest working men I know, he provides for our family in a way that lets me live the dream of loving on our boys all day, he rarely complains, if ever, about the fact that I am a terrible housekeeper, and he loves me in spite of myself.

I love this man, I surely do.